:: Darkmoon ::How do you know I'm not a watermelon?
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Saturday, February 15, 2014
Friday, January 07, 2005
Friday, December 17, 2004
Red Dwarf again. This is from the Episode: Quarantine.
The observation window depolarises, revealing RIMMER. He is NOT in uniform.
RIMMER: Is something amiss?
LISTER: (Slight quaver in his voice) Amiss? God no, what could possibly be amiss?
RIMMER: You don't think there's anything amiss? I'm sitting here wearing a red and white checked gingham dress and army boots and you think that's un-amiss?
CAT: No, of course not. It's just that we thought you had gone nuts! We were tryin' to humour you.
RIMMER: I was just doing a little test -- a little test to see if you had gone crazy.
He abruptly tenses and lets out a horrible yell.
RIMMER: CHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!! If there is one thing I can't stand it's crazy people.
LISTER: Well we've passed the test, Rimmer. You can let us out.
RIMMER: I can't let you out.
LISTER: Why not?
RIMMER: Because the King of the Potato People won't let me. I begged him. I got down on my knees and wept. He wants to keep you here. Keep you here for ten years.
CAT: Could we see him?
RIMMER: See who?
CAT: The King.
RIMMER: Do you have a magic carpet?
LISTER: Yeah, a little three-seater.
RIMMER: So, let me get this straight. You want to fly on a magic carpet to see the King of the Potato People and plead with him for your freedom, and you're telling me you are completely sane?! I think that warrants 2 hours of W.O.O.
LISTER: What's W.O.O?
CAT: You had to ask.
RIMMER: With ... out ... oxygen. No oxygen for 2 hours. That will teach you to be bread baskets
LISTER: What do we do?
CAT: I think our only hope's the Potato King.
Friday, December 10, 2004
Red Dwarf cracks me up. I had this scene in my head all day. Enjoy:
LISTER: What do you mean you don't want to leave?
RIMMER: We're happy here.
KRYTEN: We've found a niche.
RIMMER: We're the "Sensational Reverse Brothers!" We've only been here three weeks and we're a big hit.
LISTER: Rimmer, everything is backwards!
KRYTEN: We've got used to it.
RIMMER: It's true! Once you get over the initial shock, things actually make a lot more sense this way 'round. There's no death here. You start off dead, you have a funeral, then you come to life! As each year passes you get younger and younger until you become a newborn baby. Then you go back inside your mother, who goes back inside her mother, and so on, until eventually we all become one glorious whole!
LISTER: Rimmer, you already are one glorious hole! You've totally flipped, man.
KRYTEN: We want to stay!
LISTER: But we CAN'T stay! Look, I'm 25 now -- in 10 years time I'll be 15. I'll have to go through puberty again! Backwards!
CAT: Imagine that! Your gajimbas will suddenly rise back into your body, and the next thing you know you're singing soprano in the school choir!
LISTER: And worse than that -- in 25 years I'll be a little sperm, swimming around in somebody's testicles! I mean, pardon me, but that's just not how I saw my future!
RIMMER: I'm telling you, things are better this way. It's our universe that's the wrong way round. KRYTEN nods in agreement.
KRYTEN: Take war. War is a wonderful thing here! In fifty years time, the second world war will start -- backwards!
CAT: And that's a good thing?
KRYTEN: Millions of people will come to life. Hitler will retreat across Europe, liberate France and Poland, disband the Third Reich, and bog off back to Austria!
RIMMER: We're smash hits here! We'd be crazy to leave.
LISTER: Rimmer, we don't belong here! This place is crazy!
RIMMER: Crazy? Death, disease, famine -- there's none of that here.
KRYTEN: There's no crime! The first night we were here, a mugger jumped us and forced 50 pounds into my wallet at knifepoint!
LISTER: Okay, okay! But look at the flipside of the coin. It's not all good. Take someone like, say... St. Francis of Assissi. In this universe, he's the petty-minded little sadist who goes around maiming small animals! Or Santa Claus -- what a bastard!
LISTER: He's the big fat git who sneaks down chimneys and steals all the kid's favorite toys!
Friday, November 26, 2004
Friday, October 15, 2004
Monday, October 11, 2004